Friday, March 23, 2012

Love Endures


Dear Michael,

When I woke up this morning, I had it in my mind that I wanted to write to you and share something with you, but I really wasn't sure what I wanted to talk about. I thought about talking about something I read in the Hagakure last night, but thought twice in a row might be too much. Then I thought about talking with you about various stories that I've seen in the news over the past couple of weeks.

Then came the call.

When I first heard the words, I thought I was still asleep...or, maybe I just hoped that I was still asleep. The message from your papi said that your Aunt Rosi had passed away during the night. My first thought was for your Uncle Chris. My heart was broken at the thought of him having to endure such a loss, and living too far away to be there for him. Chris loved your Aunt Rosi so much. She made him happier than I have ever seen him, and she changed his life so much in the time that they were together. I struggled to think about what I could say to help ease the pain before I reminded myself that, sometimes, there just aren't any words.

Then, I thought about you and my heart broke a little more. Memories of the times that the two of you spent together flooded my thoughts, and I couldn't hold back the tears. Rosi loved and adored you so much. Whenever we would go to visit your grandparents, your mother and I would pick a day to drop you off with your grandma and go on a date. Whenever we did, Rosi would be right there to help take care of you. The two of you would play and laugh, and play some more - all day long, the two of you would cut up. When your mother and I would come and pick you up to take you back to the hotel, we literally had to drag you away kicking and screaming. You loved your Aunt Rosi as much as she loved you...it was really an amazing bond that the two of you shared. I am thankful that you are still young enough that I don't need to have the talk with you about it just yet. However, I'm sure that it will happen when we go to visit the family this fall.

I'm not looking forward to that talk.

By the time you read this, it will have been a while since you lost your Aunt Rosi. However, I have no doubt that you will still remember her, as you mother and I will always make sure that we honor her. What I want you to remember as you read this, and as you remember Rosi, is that the legacy of love endures. People often talk about how things we experience at a young age serve to help shape who we become as adults, and I happen to believe that past events can be a powerful forge through which we are all shaped.

However, when the idea of how past events influence present behavior is discussed, it's often done so in the context of how people have difficulty moving forward in life because of something negative from their past - often overlooking the influence of positive events as a shaping influence. Love can be as powerful at shaping one's life as any negative event, maybe even more. Remembering the love that someone had for us, and remembering the love that we share with others can change how we see ourselves, how we see others, and how we see the world around us.

Son, Rosi loved you with all of her heart, and that kind of love doesn't just go away. A love like that becomes a part of you...it changes you. The love that Rosi had for you is a part of you, and will always be a part of you. In a time where it seems like more and more often we see children left alone, abandoned, neglected and abused, I will forever be grateful that she was a part of your life, and reminded us all just how exciting, joyous, and embracing life can truly be. In a way, how you see the world will always be filtered through the bond that you and she shared, and that is the legacy of love...that is how love endures.

I know this letter may seem overly mushy or kind of rushed, but I think that this letter might be more for me than for you. I do hope that you will take these things to heart, and always remember your Aunt Rosi, who loved and adored you greatly.

More Later!

Love,

Your Dad

Saturday, March 17, 2012

My First Letter to Michael

Dear Michael,

As I watched you head out for school this morning, I found myself in awe at the smart, sweet, funny and good natured little man that you are so quickly becoming. I smiled knowingly as you snuck away and waited for your mother to come around the corner. Sure enough, as your prey approached, out you jumped with a mighty roar which was only diminished by the mischievous smile through which it bellowed forth. I don't know how much credit I can take for the person I see you becoming, but I see so much of myself in you and I am just so proud of you.

This brings me to the reason I am writing to you. As your dad, I am always wondering if I'm saying and doing the right things to lead you toward growing into a strong, independent, and kind-hearted man. I look out into the world everyday, and I find myself wondering if my love and words are strong enough to empower you to withstand the onslaught of experiences that you will eventually face. Whatever you may think of me by the time you read these letters, know that I did the very best I know how to do to show you love and leave you with the faith, strength and wisdom necessary to be your own man in a world that rarely values such qualities - a man I know capable of greatness.

As part of my role as your dad, I have decided to write a series of letters to you in order to share with you some of the things that I think are important to examine and learn from. I often find myself reading a story, or watching the news, or even something as innocuous as listening to a song, and coming across something that strikes me as profound. My hope is that, through these letters, I can present these teaching moments to you, share with you what I hope you come away with, and then trust you to make up your own mind and be your own man. Sometimes these letters may seem a bit silly or even a bit dire but, in all of them, I hope you will be able to see my love and my highest hopes for you.

My one wish for you as your father is not that you be like me...it is that you will be better than me. That you will be your own man, open-minded, open hearted, and yet strong in your convictions is the hope of my heart and the reason for my writings to you.

Let's begin!

Love,

Your Dad

 W6HQPR4KJEH3

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Find your Own Way

Dear Michael,

Yesterday, I bought you a toy. Now, while you may not think much about this now because of all of the toys you have enjoyed playing with as a child, there is a certain significance to it. Up until now I have never, on my own accord, bought you a toy. Usually, when toys make their way home, your mother and I will agree on something and she will go out and actually buy them, or she will simply see something she thinks you will like and gets it...and don't even get me started on your grandparents or your uncle. Before you go thinking that you've had a lazy dad, let me explain...

Because of the work that your mother does, it has typically worked out that I get to spend more time with you - meaning that I have had more opportunities to enjoy playtime with you. One thing that I have noticed, though, is that when your mom sits down to shop for you, she gets this certain gleam in her eyes - I suspect from imagining you playing with the toy and smiling that amazing smile of yours. In my mind, I made the decision a long time ago that, because of the fact that the time we get to spend with you is sometimes way unbalanced, there were certain things that I would not encroach on certain aspects of the relationship between you and your mom. You mom is The Toybringer, because that is something that she can do for you that can be her thing. Your relationship with your mom is a very special thing...one that not every child is able to experience. As much as I enjoy our relationship, it gives me joy to watch you and your mom enjoying that special time that you share.

Oh, in case you can't remember, the toy I got you was a Nerf six-shooter, and you loved it. So much so that your mom and I had to go out and arm ourselves with Nerf guns for our own protection!

I want to share a quote with you from a very old book entitled, Hagakure, which I'm sure I have since given to you, so you may even remember this one. The quote is this: " It is bad when one thing becomes two. One should not look for anything else in the Way of the Samurai. It is the same for anything that is called a Way. If one understands things in this manner, he should be able to hear about all Ways, and be more and more in accord with his own."

I thought about this quote as I was watching some political talk show where, what was initially a fairly objective discussion on the subject, quickly turned into a free-for-all. Republicans started blaming Democrats, who responded by name-calling and dismissing any of the points that were being made. On top of that, the host of the show, who goes out of the way to claim impartiality, jumped in and slammed one side. It wasn't too long that I just had to change the channel to something infinitely more intellectually satisfying...Black Dynamite!

Anyway, this isn't a discussion about political affiliation - it goes deeper than that. We live in a world that is becoming increasingly cynical and intolerant, almost on a daily basis. No matter what the issue, it seems that the discussion inevitably devolves into one side telling the other why they are right and they other side is wrong, and dumb, for what they believe. Whether its politics, religion, race relations, immigration, or the infamous debate between Coke and Pepsi, it seems that we have forgotten what it means to be able to disagree without becoming disagreeable.

Son, as you continue to grow and learn more about yourself and the world around you, you will come to form your own principles and beliefs. These principles and beliefs will bring you closer to some people, and set you apart from others, depending on whether or not their beliefs line up with yours. As such, you will come across things that are contrary to what you hold to be true, and people who will want to try to convince you to believe as they believe.

Now, I'm not telling you that once you believe something, you need to reject everything else. In fact, it is vital that, when faced with something that contradicts what you believe, you should carefully consider what is presented with an open mind and be willing to change or modify your beliefs if doing so will lend itself to making you better in some way. However, until that moment comes when you are presented something that warrants such change, trust in yourself and your convictions, and be steadfast.

As I mentioned, you will meet many people who will want to convince you that their Way is THE Way. Some of these people will do so because they genuinely believe that their belief is the right one, and they may be right. You will, no doubt, be such a person to another as we all are in some way at some point in our lives. Some people will try to get you to change because it serves some end or alternative purpose. Politicians and cult leaders often fit into this category. By the way, its not a mistake that I put politicians and cult leaders in the same sentence...we'll talk about that another time.

Then, there are people who will try to get you to change for no other reason than because to do so is a demonstration of power and authority over you. Often, these type of people don't even believe what they are telling you that you should believe and will, should you decide to assume their position, turn around and ridicule or humiliate you to others who will call you weak or stupid for allowing yourself to be led  down that path so easily. We are told from the quote that one "should be able to hear about all ways and be more and more in accord with his own." Being presented with different beliefs and views is like being presented with a mirror...one in which we are forced to take a look at ourselves and what we believe. Just like we look into a mirror to check our appearance, when we look into this mirror we either accept what we see, or we make adjustments until we are satisfied with the finished product.

We see ourselves though  diversity and, if we are satisfied with what we see, we remain steadfast; or, if we see something that can be improved, we can make adjustments. Seeing ourselves thought diversity is another topic we'll talk about later. Keeping with the example of the mirror, remember that not all mirrors are true reflections - some are warped, giving us a distorted view like one that we would find at a fun-house. Always be diligent when presented with something that challenges your beliefs: consider not only what is being presented to you, but the presenter as well.

The Way, as referred to in the Hagakure, is not fixed - as it might initially appear. There will be times when your view of yourself or the world will changes - sometimes because it feels right, and sometimes because it is necessary. It helps if you look at the Way as a path in which you are walking. Occasionally, while walking a path, you come to a fork, with paths branching off in different directions. In order to keep moving forward, you will need to choose a path...maybe even choosing a path that you originally thought to be the wrong direction. You cannot go down both paths, and trying to do so will most likely get you lost. Even once you've chosen a path, don't be too proud, or afraid, to admit to yourself that you went down the wrong path, and go back and choose another. That is what it means to learn and grow.

The complexity of this quote, and the message it conveys, is something that I cannot cover in a single letter - entire volumes of books over the centuries have tried to explain its meaning. Ironically, not all of those volumes support the same interpretation. Always keep an open mind, and do not shy away from opinions, beliefs, or values that conflict with your own. Be steadfast, but also be prepared to embrace difference, and be willing to change, or even abandon, something you believe if, in doing so, you will become a better, wiser, more understanding person.

More later!

Love,

You Dad




Saturday, March 10, 2012

Doing the Right Thing

Dear Michael,

By now, you would think that when its a day when mommy is on call and its just the two of us, I would learn to not let my guard down. Sadly, days like today remind me that I need to learn from my mistakes. Today's lesson came in the form of falling asleep while you were playing alone in your room after telling me you didn't need to sit on the potty. I'll save all of the details for when you bring you first girlfriend over to meet your parents, but I will say that its never ends well when you wake up to see your naked child, who was not naked when last you saw him, comes walking into the room and can only say, "I'm sorry daddy."

Lesson learned.

I want to share with you a story that I have always thought quite enlightening. Its an old story that you can find being told in many different forms and different philosophical contexts, but the lessons that we can gain from it are fairly universal. It goes like this:

Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey, one was a senior monk, the other a junior monk. During their journey they approached a raging river and on the river bank stood a young lady. She was clearly concerned about how she would get to the other side of the river without drowning. The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and he crossed the river. The senior monk picked up the woman and carried her across the river. He placed her down, they parted ways with woman and on they went with the journey. As the journey went on, the senior monk could see some concern on the junior monk's mind, he asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, "how could you carry her like that? You know we can't touch women, it's against our way of life". The senior monk answered, "I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?"

One of the more curious things that I've seen when sharing this story with others is that everyone seems to get something different from it. As you read it, I have no doubt that you will draw your own conclusions as to what this does or doesn't mean. I want to share some lessons that I draw from this story, and I hope that you'll take them to heart.

First, let's look at the reaction of the young monk after the senior monk helped the young lady across the river. When asked what was wrong, the young monk insists that the senior monk's actions were inappropriate because it went against their rules, or "way of life." There will be times in your life when you will be called to help others in need. As your father, it is my hope that you will, whenever possible, heed that call. Helping the young lady was the right thing to do, despite what the junior monk, or others, might have thought or said. What I hope that you will come away with here is this: if you find yourself in a place in life where common decency, caring, and common sense are looked upon as wrong - whether its the workplace, among group of friends, or whatever - seriously consider whether or not you belong there. Even at this early age, you have such a giving and caring heart, and to be in a place where you are forced to deny these parts of yourself would be to invite unhappiness and darkness into your life.

Second, I want to talk about the actions of the senior monk. Now, it can be assumed from the story that the senior monk, knew that carrying the young lady was against the rules before he made the decision to help...yet, he acted. In acting, the senior monk had to know that there would be consequences for his actions, yet he still chose to do the right thing. In life, you will be challenged by many situations when doing the right thing and doing the expected, or popular, thing will not be the same. I wish I could tell you that making the decision to do the right thing will always be an easy thing to do, but I can't. What I can tell you is that living a life of regret for not making the right decision is often much much more painful to live with than taking the convenient way. Not that I can see the future, but I can pretty much say that you have been brought up to be strong in the face of adversity, and to always do what is right - I know your dad, and I know him to be a pretty good guy. When you make the decision to act, if its the right thing to do, you can act without hesitation or regret. Regardless of whatever repercussions you might face, be strong, be bold, live your life with honor, and you will live a life of substance...a life of meaning and significance.

One last thing, and I will make this quick because I think you're about to try and saddle up the beagle. Notice what the senior monk tells the junior monk at the end of the story. He says, "I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?" When you make the decision to act, once you've trusted yourself and put thought into it, do so without hesitation or regret. Once you've acted, move on. Should your decision be the wrong one, there is no going back and undoing it. Son, I can tell you now that you will make wrong decisions in life, there is no getting around that. When you do, don't hide from them or try to ignore them - face them in the present and work to make it right. Dwelling in the past can keep you from living your life in the present, and that is often more damaging and dangerous than making the wrong decision.

I know you might be thinking, 'Geez dad, emo much? How did you get all of that from a little story like that?" Well, first, don't talk to your poor old dad like that. Second, remember that there is wisdom in everything if we take time to look beyond what we can see or what we are told to believe. Okay...maybe I'm a little bit out there, but don't you dare say that to my face, even you think I won't remember it five seconds later...I'm still your dad!

More later!

Love,

Your Dad

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Sometimes...life happens.



Dear Michael,

Over the weekend, we went over to visit our neighbor across the street, and you took your first steps to being a pop superstar by holding your first, albeit impromptu, recital. As the grown-ups were talking, you decided that you weren't receiving enough attention and, in typical Michael fashion, took matters into your own hands. Walking in the middle of the room with a miniature guitar, you boldly exclaimed, "Excuse me, guys!", and then proceeded to strum the guitar and sing the "Piccolodactyl" song from Little Einsteins. I have to admit, I was more than a little proud of you getting up there and performing like that - not to mention using such good(ish) manners beforehand. Since you were born, you have always responded so well to music, and even if you do not find a career in it, I hope that you will always appreciate music of all kinds.

Son, what I want to share with you today is something that you will need to consider carefully. The past couple of weeks have brought tragedy to several part of the country. Twice in a three day period, tornadoes ripped through several states, causing a nearly unimaginable amount of damage, and taking many lives. Many of the places that were affected by these storms were still recovering from similar storms that hit last year. Even here, we came very close to experiencing a direct hit, and were very fortunate to have come away with only a scary story. More than a week later, stories are still coming in, recounting terrible and frightening stories of people who were directly impacted by these massive storms - some losing everything.

Let me first say that this is not a lesson in emergency preparedness, what should have or should not have been done, or anything of the sort. I will not make light of the situation, or belittle the victims of these storms, by trying to sound like they were not prepared or wise enough to avoid what happened. My heart hurts for all of those affected by these storms, and your mother and I include them in our prayers daily. What I want to share with you is more about what happens after something like this happens. When tragedy occurs, whether its something as widespread as these storms, or something more personal, people have a natural tendency to need to understand why it happened - trying to make sense of it. This is  especially true when what has happened is something completely out of our control.

There are many possible reasons why we feel compelled to understand why bad things happen, but I believe that, for the most part, we seek the "why" for one main reason; to protect ourselves from the idea that what has happened to completely change and uproot our lives was just some meaningless, random event without meaning or significance. After all, if our lives can be forever changed be some random, unintentional event, then we are forced to acknowledge how vulnerable and helpless we can be, and that is not an easy thing for most of us. Understanding why something occurred can certainly be important. Understanding why something happened can teach us how to repeat or prevent something from happening in the future, and can help us to improve and grow. However, it is important to understand that there is another side to this - one that we often overlook.

My hope for you is that you will to come to understand that sometimes there just isn't a reason for the things that happen in our lives. Sometimes, things in life just happen, and in order to overcome them you will need to be prepared to accept the situation for what it is and move forward. I don't say this to tell you that you need to be callous, or to view it as weakness to want to understand why things happen. I want you to understand and accept that there are times when, if you get too wrapped up in trying to find the "why", you end up neglecting the things that are immediately important. Sometimes, it is more important to first take action to fix what has been broken, or to prevent further harm from happening. Once that happens, then you can try to figure out why it happened - if there is, in fact, a reason. Always keep this in mind, especially when working with others who have experienced tragedy in their lives. When helping others who have been through a tragedy, you need to understand this, and recognize when others are caught up in looking for the reason why it happened, and be prepared to help them to deal with the immediate situation first.

Son; in your life, things are going to happen that have no rational explanation or reason. You must be prepared to accept the fact that sometimes life just happens, and all you can do is deal with it and move forward - and, with compassion and understanding, help others do the same. If this letter seems a bit rambling, it's totally your fault...well, you and the rest of the transformers you keep jamming in my face. Time to go play.

More later!

Love,

Your Dad

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Life is Change

Dear Michael,

Very recently, the two of us were watching a movie before bed, and as we were sitting there, you on my lap, I just felt the sudden urge to tell you how much I love you. I looked over at you and said, "Michael, I love you very much." Now, I've told you this many times before, and make it a point to tell you every day that I love you. This time, however, you looked back up at me and, without missing a beat, you hugged me, and said, "That's why I came to you, Daddy!" I was stunned as your words echoed through my mind, as well as my heart. All I could do was hug you until you brought me back to earth when you told me, Daddy, move! I can't see the movie!" You amaze me every day, and every day you reveal just how special you truly are.

I wanted to take a moment and share my thoughts with you on something that I read a couple of weeks ago, and from which I feel it is important for you to find understanding. A very good friend of mine, who just happens to be smarter than me, shared an article that discusses the impact of "first" events in a person's life. The article talks about how the outcomes of events such as a first date, first kiss, or first breakup, can have a ripple effect - influencing future encounters and behaviors based on how we deal with those events. The topic is something that, on the surface, is not really that big of a mystery and something that I believe most of us have an idea about. As I read the article, however, I came across something - a quote - that I found really interesting and, in my own experiences, quite poignant.

The quote came from a psychologist who specializes in loss and grief, and reads: "We're wired for attachment in a world of impermanence. How we negotiate that tension shapes who we become." I found this thought to be the most interesting in the article because its something that is not really talked about often, and its something that we scarcely dare to admit to ourselves. In fact, I believe that many of the problems that we all deal with in one form or fashion stem from this idea of the internal struggle between what we believes should still be our lives and what no longer is - particularly when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Now, someone might read that quote and immediately see it as pessimistic, fatalistic, or some other -istic word, especially in a world that tells us that we should never give up and that love conquers all. I challenge you to look deeper and consider what we are really being told.

Life is change. This is especially true when it comes to the people that move into, and out of, our lives. Call it what you will - purpose, destiny, fate, karma - each of us has to walk our own path in life. There will be times in your life when your path will intersect with others, and sometimes your paths will run in the same direction...maybe even to the same place. As you continue to grow, you will come to have friends in your life that will feel as close as family, and you will find that you have people around you that seek to connect with you in varying ways. There's a very real, very exciting feeling that comes with making these connections, and the feeling that we are not alone or that we matter to someone is very powerful. Being such a strong feeling, our natural response is to cling to these connections and feelings and protect them at all costs. As the quote suggests, there is a part of us that greatly appreciates and desires these connections for reasons that, if I were to try to discuss them all, would turn this letter into a book (books were items that we used to use which had words and illustrations printed on paper and bound together which we read.)

By no means am I telling you to avoid making connections and having relationships with people. In fact, I'm telling you that it is important to make connections with people, and to cherish and protect those connections for as long as it remains possible to do so. What I hope you take a way from this is that not all relationships are forever, and its important to understand that. As I mentioned earlier, each of us has a path to walk, and only we can walk it. Sometimes, those paths that come together separate and go in different directions. When it comes to people in our lives, sometimes life takes them in different directions. Sometimes, a relationship becomes more toxic and hurtful than positive and it becomes important to distance ourselves from it. Sometimes, we take a direction in our own lives that others cannot follow, and they end up having to leave us to our own path. Sometimes...we lose people. This is a part of life, and its not always a matter of if, but when, our relationships change.

 Does knowing this make separation any easier? Probably not, but my hope for you is not that you won't give people a chance to make a connection or not care when people leave. My hope for you is that, when they do, you won't let the loss stop you from caring about yourself or others, and will not let it keep you from reaching your goals in life. Loss can be a crippling thing if you allow it to detach you from those around you. Understand that loss, and change, is a part of the world in which you live and, in some cases, necessary for us to learn and move forward. When loss comes, don't let it cripple you. Celebrate the connection you had and what it brought to your life, leaving the door open whenever possible...you never know what may come back to you. Had I not left a door open years ago, I never would have been blessed with the love that your mother has brought to my life, and the son who "came to me" might not be here today to teach me to look at the world through the heart I thought lost long ago.

Remember, life is change. We are not called to resist change and become rooted and inflexible. We are called to flow, change, and accept that which changes around, or within, us.

More later!

Love,

Your Dad


Thursday, February 23, 2012

There Are No Ordinary Moments


Dear Michael,

Okay, so first off...I know you think me the most smartest dad in the world ever, but I have to confess that the title of this letter isn't mine. In fact, you should recognize it from Dan Millman's book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, which I'm sure I've made you read by now.

Anyways...

Today your mom worked a 24 hour shift so it was just us guys hanging out around the house, and I don't exaggerate when I say that you wore me out completely. Out of the many things I love about you, I absolutely love that you are already demonstrating very keen powers of observation and deductive reasoning. One of the many challenges I face as your dad...that you have very keen powers of observation and deductive reasoning. You have an uncanny ability to know just how much to do and what to say to push the boundaries - all the while making it hard not to laugh when I should be angry with you. Rest assured, I have it all on video and WILL be showing it to every date that you bring over to the house, so there's that.

I had this great thought that I wanted to share with you about the merits and pitfalls about emotions...and then I read the news today. I suppose this article is somewhat related but, after I read this story, I felt that there was something important out of it that I wanted to share with you. The story I read was about a nine year old girl who died as a result of being forced to run around her house for three hours as punishment for lying about eating a candy bar. Apparently, the little girl lied to her grandmother about was told to run around her house. Three hours later, and still running, the girl fell into convulsions as a result of severe dehydration and, sadly, passed away a few days later. At the time that I'm writing this to you, the girl's stepmother and grandmother are in jail and awaiting arraignment.

Reading the reactions from people regarding this...well, it all pretty much boiled down to "Let's do the same to them until they drop dead" and "I would never do that" types of comments. I'm quite sure I'll have something to share about these kind of comments down the road and the dangers of rushing to judgment. These comments, however, pretty much address the obvious takeaway from this story; mainly focusing on the negligence, and possible abuse, of this little girl. Let me just say here and now that I am neither belittling these opinions, nor downplaying the tragic nature of this story...it always breaks my heart when I see a child, or any life, being needlessly taken away. What makes this so difficult for me is that this story did not even need to happen for reasons that I feel are important enough to share with you now.

As a parent, especially as a first time father, one of the things I am most concerned about are those times when your behavior - whether funny or otherwise - warrants correction. In my heart, I always worry about the effect that my punishment now will have on your life in the future. I worry that, if I punish you too severely, you might grow up to be angry, mistrustful, or deceitful. After all, one of the reasons that people lie is that they are afraid of the consequences of their actions or, more to the point, the person administering the punishment. I don't ever want you to be afraid of me, and you should be able to come to me with anything, and know that whatever comes out of it, you will ALWAYS have your father's love. On the other hand, should I punish you too weakly, or not at all, I fear that you will not come to understand that there are boundaries that need to always be respected, and grow up to be disrespectful, opportunistic, or downright brutish towards others. Do you see why I had grey hair?

What I see in this story, and what I hope you will take away is that we must always be diligent and purposeful in everything we do - especially in our encounters with others. Words are powerful, and actions always have consequences - intended or otherwise. We all, in every moment, responsible for ourselves and for the people around us. Now, I'm sure that when you tell people that, they will scoff and tell you that you're only responsible for yourself, but I want you to really think about this; if words are powerful and our actions have consequences, isn't it reasonable to think that we all have the ability to affect how a person thinks or feels about themselves or the world around them? If this is the case, would you rather that person affect the world around them in a positive, caring and constructive way, or in a selfish, destructive way. Regardless of what people think, we don't live in a vacuum - never forget that.

Based on my experience, I don't believe that this little girl's grandmother and stepmother were intentionally trying to cause harm to her. Moreover, the form of punishment was certainly less egregious than beating her or worse. No, I feel that the greater tragedy here is that her grandmother and stepmother neglected to be diligent in their actions - not paying attention to what they were doing, or even forgetting about her all together. The moment we take our actions for granted, we invite disaster. As your father, whenever I feel the need to punish you, it is important that I do so mindfully and considerately...stop laughing! It's true! I never punish you when I'm overly angry, save to send you to your room until I can act more rationally. I do this because I fear what may happen if I act impulsively toward you without thought...to you and to myself. My hope is that one day, you will come to do the same with your children.

Remember that there are no ordinary moments. Every moment is deserving of our maximum attention and effort. Already, you show yourself to be very powerful in your words and your actions. You have an incredible heart for others, and I don't want you to ever lose that. There aren't enough men in this world that aren't afraid to put it out there like you are already showing yourself willing to do. That said, always remember the power in your words, the strength of your actions, and always remember that there is a grave responsibility that comes with such strength. 

More later!

Love,

Your Dad