Dear Michael,
Well, it finally happened. When you were young, I made a prediction to everyone that would listen about the things your teachers would say to me. I said that the conversations would go something like this: "Mr. Wilson, we absolutely love your son: he's so bright and charming, and he has such a good heart. Now...if only we could get him to not talk so much and try to teach the class." I'm both proud, and a bit troubled, that my prediction has come to pass. Proud because of the man you are becoming, and troubled because the next prediction I made was that we were going to have to dig a moat around our house to keep all the girls away. As usual, I want to start my letter off by sharing a quote with you:
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart” - Helen Keller
It's a funny thing how life sometimes provides you with just what you need when you least expect it. Over the past couple of weeks, I was struggling a little bit coming up with something that I wanted to share with you in my next letter. I have a lot to say, as anyone who knows your dad - or you for that matter - can tell you, but sometimes I struggle with the words to make it meaningful to you as you read these sometime in the future.
Then...the universe provided.
Last Saturday, you and I went on one of our daddy/son day that you earn when you earn your stickers in school for good work and behavior. Because you earned all 5 this past week, I let you choose what we did. This particular week, you chose to go to a movie and, I have to say, I was really looking forward to it. As many things as we have done together, we hadn't yet gone to a movie...probably because I was worried that you'd just talk through the whole thing until you fell asleep. So, as excited as you were to go...I was probably a little more excited.
We got to the theater, bought our tickets, and headed over to the concession stand to get the hot dog and fruit punch that you had not stopped talking about since we left the house. As we walked in, you saw one of the video games in the lobby and decided that you had to immediately investigate. Unfortunately, your feet didn't get the message in time, and you ended up tripping and falling on your knee. As you did, another man was walking our way with his son on their way to watch the movie they had come to see. After you fell, I knelt down to make sure that you were okay, which you were, and try to calm you down. I looked at you, told you to look in my eyes, and said, "Mymy...you're okay", and scooped you up and gave you a hug.
As I held you, the man walking past decided to offer me a parenting tip. He stopped and said, "You know, if you keep doing that, he's going to keep crying and not know how to take care of himself." For a split second, about 25 responses came to mind - none of which are appropriate to write down. Anyone who knows me and the type of father I try to be, knows that it completely irritates me when someone just assumes that I don't know what I am doing when it comes to raising you. I don't...but I don't like it when someone else points it out. So, as I'm standing there with you in my arms and this other father standing there, I said the only thing that I could think to say, "My son will always know his father's love," and then walked away to get your hot dog and fruit punch and go see our movie.
That encounter started me thinking about what it was that I was teaching you about emotions and how we relate with one another. Was he right? Was I somehow crippling you by being overly protective and teaching you that someone is always going to be there to take care of you?
No...of course not!
You're four years old, and it is so important for you, at this age, to know your father's love and to see what love looks like. So many young children today are growing up without a father in their lives, or knowing a father's love, and that is something that I will never let happen to you.
Son, part of what it means to be a man is knowing when to think with your head and when to think with your heart...and not letting the world tell you that thinking with your heart somehow makes you weak or less of a man. Being able to reach out, to connect with people, and to see the world in a way that can't be seen or touched like you do is a strength, and something that not everyone experiences in their lives. Cherish it...embrace it...be guided by it. Above all, do not ever be afraid to let other people see that side of you because you never know when someone you touch might change your life - or when you might make the difference in theirs.
Oh...before I end this, let me share with you one last thing. After the movie, as we were leaving the theater, you pulled my hand and said, "daddy, look. My new friend hurt his knee, too!" I turned to see what you were talking about, and saw the man from before. He was holding his son, who was crying, and hugging him and patting him on the back. When he looked up and saw us looking, he smiled and nodded at me, giving his son a squeeze. I smiled and nodded back, then took your hand to cross the street to head out on the next destination on our daddy/son day. Was it because of the words I spoke that that happened? I don't know, but if it was...what would have happened had I not spoken them?
More later!
Love,
Your dad.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Will you speak...or will you act?
Dear Michael,
So much has happened since the last time I wrote to you, and I don't quite know where to begin. You started your second year at school, and you're already practically running the place. Every time I've taken you to your classroom, all I hear is "Hi Michael", "Give me a high five, Michael", or my personal not-so-favorite, "Give me a hug, Michael" from all those fast, little girls (that's just me talking as a daddy). It amazes me that my son would be such an outgoing, verbal, vivacious little man when, for most of my young life, I was nearly paralyzed by shyness. Seeing how people, especially adults, gravitate to you, amazes me...and makes me a little nervous thinking about when you get older. We'll deal with that later, though.
In ancient China, there was a man named Lao Tzu, who was the keeper of the Imperial Library. Lao Tzu was widely known for his wisdom, and even today is recognized as a very wise philosopher. Lao Tzu was known for many wise sayings, but one that sticks out for me that I want to share with you is this: "Those who know, do not speak. Those who speak, do not know."
I will admit that, as I'm writing this letter to you, I carry such a heavy and burdened heart. Right now, you are growing up in a time where, it seems, people have given up on applying reason and compassion to anything anymore. Every day, I turn on the TV and see, or read, in the news, story after story of the most horrific events; shootings, gang violence, wars, and so on. Those tragedies, in and of themselves, aren't what has my heart hurting. I recognize that we live in a natural world, and tragedies, natural or man made, are a sad and heartbreaking part of life. What does break my heart, though, is the increase in the amount of hateful, divisive, and inappropriate commentary that inevitably pours out in reaction to these stories from people who feel entitled to say the most vile and disgusting things without concern over the effects, or concern over being confronted due to the anonymity of the Internet.
Every day, I have stories thrust upon me about how black people are a problem in this country, and left feeling like people look at me as a problem because of the color of my skin. That's not an entirely fair comment; what I should say is that I have the commentary from stories thrust upon me saying how black people are a problem in this country. People are so quick to point to a story and then, basically, make arguments such as, "See? I told you! Nothing but savages who want nothing more than a handout" or "Black people are poor because they don't care or because their daddies are all in jail or deadbeats." They point to the most outspoken people and, because some network shoved a camera in their face, assume that their opinions are reflective of what we all think and believe...sometimes, I think, just so they have an excuse to start spewing their inner hatred. Even our elected officials are fast to use any data that appears to support their divisive opinions without context and without concern for social ramifications.
I even read one woman comment that "Well, we didn't have the crime we do now 100 years ago because the blacks were slaves and didn't have a chance to get a gun. They didn't commit crimes, because they couldn't." Then, in the same thread said, "Sir, I am a good Christian woman. I do not hurt anyone and neither does my husband... and I was raised with black people. Some have been and still are very good friends." Yes...that really happened.
Son, as your father and your protector in this world, it breaks my heart and brings me to the edge of tears that I'm raising you up in a time where people may look at you and see nothing but a savage, a problem, and a drain on our society. People might say in response that I'm over-exaggerating or overly sensitive. I might even agree with that if I didn't see it getting worse, or if we hadn't seen times like this in our country before. It's so bad, that even a family friend posted "oh hell yeah bring on the riots I have plenty of ammo and flint really needs a good cleansing, sounds like fun. Just want to say THANK YOU...for giving us creepy ass cracker a reason to kill you colords legally AGAIN."
This, from a guy who was, for all intents and purposes, part of our family growing up.
When I read the quote from Lao Tzu again, I was immediately struck by something. It dawned on me that, in all of these stories, commentaries, and political statements, not once did I ever hear anyone suggest a rational, reasonable, thought out, compassionate, and inclusive course of action to fix anything. Now, granted, I heard a lot of the "shoot em, send em back to Africa" garbage...but not one person said anything other than point to what they thought was the problem. Is there a problem? Absolutely. However...do they even know what the real problem is?
Do I?
Then I thought about the people that I see out there working hard to help people to improve their lives, to make their communities better, to help others to help themselves and help other people.
They do exist, and they are out there every day...not running their mouths, not pointing fingers, not pointing out every little thing that the media shoves in their faces (which, by the way, do not ever think that the media does not have their own objectives in this matter) but actually acting.
Those who know, do not speak...because they act. They go out and work, even against ever-increasing odds, to turn the tide and be a part of the solution. This, baby boy, is my lesson to you.
You can spend your whole life thinking about the problem, pointing it out to others, railing against the ones who you think are propagating (go find the definition) the problem; or you can be a part of the solution. If you choose to be part of the solution, don't just talk about it...act on it. Seek to understand the true problem, and then work to make it right. This applies to matters big and small. Even in your own life, with matters that affect only you, when you seek to understand what the problem really is, you can, then, begin to seek the solution. You may not always get it right the first time, but never be afraid to try.
Well, in typical daddy fashion, I've gone on and on. I'll end for now.
Son, I love you as only a father can love a son, and I don't want you to feel like you need to live in the fear that I do. You, and those of your generation are the best, if not the last, hope we may ever know to truly be a complete society. If worrying about who's hugging on your child and how popular your son or daughter is in pre-k becomes our biggest problem, then we will have finally learned.
More soon!
With love,
Your dad.
So much has happened since the last time I wrote to you, and I don't quite know where to begin. You started your second year at school, and you're already practically running the place. Every time I've taken you to your classroom, all I hear is "Hi Michael", "Give me a high five, Michael", or my personal not-so-favorite, "Give me a hug, Michael" from all those fast, little girls (that's just me talking as a daddy). It amazes me that my son would be such an outgoing, verbal, vivacious little man when, for most of my young life, I was nearly paralyzed by shyness. Seeing how people, especially adults, gravitate to you, amazes me...and makes me a little nervous thinking about when you get older. We'll deal with that later, though.
In ancient China, there was a man named Lao Tzu, who was the keeper of the Imperial Library. Lao Tzu was widely known for his wisdom, and even today is recognized as a very wise philosopher. Lao Tzu was known for many wise sayings, but one that sticks out for me that I want to share with you is this: "Those who know, do not speak. Those who speak, do not know."
I will admit that, as I'm writing this letter to you, I carry such a heavy and burdened heart. Right now, you are growing up in a time where, it seems, people have given up on applying reason and compassion to anything anymore. Every day, I turn on the TV and see, or read, in the news, story after story of the most horrific events; shootings, gang violence, wars, and so on. Those tragedies, in and of themselves, aren't what has my heart hurting. I recognize that we live in a natural world, and tragedies, natural or man made, are a sad and heartbreaking part of life. What does break my heart, though, is the increase in the amount of hateful, divisive, and inappropriate commentary that inevitably pours out in reaction to these stories from people who feel entitled to say the most vile and disgusting things without concern over the effects, or concern over being confronted due to the anonymity of the Internet.
Every day, I have stories thrust upon me about how black people are a problem in this country, and left feeling like people look at me as a problem because of the color of my skin. That's not an entirely fair comment; what I should say is that I have the commentary from stories thrust upon me saying how black people are a problem in this country. People are so quick to point to a story and then, basically, make arguments such as, "See? I told you! Nothing but savages who want nothing more than a handout" or "Black people are poor because they don't care or because their daddies are all in jail or deadbeats." They point to the most outspoken people and, because some network shoved a camera in their face, assume that their opinions are reflective of what we all think and believe...sometimes, I think, just so they have an excuse to start spewing their inner hatred. Even our elected officials are fast to use any data that appears to support their divisive opinions without context and without concern for social ramifications.
I even read one woman comment that "Well, we didn't have the crime we do now 100 years ago because the blacks were slaves and didn't have a chance to get a gun. They didn't commit crimes, because they couldn't." Then, in the same thread said, "Sir, I am a good Christian woman. I do not hurt anyone and neither does my husband... and I was raised with black people. Some have been and still are very good friends." Yes...that really happened.
Son, as your father and your protector in this world, it breaks my heart and brings me to the edge of tears that I'm raising you up in a time where people may look at you and see nothing but a savage, a problem, and a drain on our society. People might say in response that I'm over-exaggerating or overly sensitive. I might even agree with that if I didn't see it getting worse, or if we hadn't seen times like this in our country before. It's so bad, that even a family friend posted "oh hell yeah bring on the riots I have plenty of ammo and flint really needs a good cleansing, sounds like fun. Just want to say THANK YOU...for giving us creepy ass cracker a reason to kill you colords legally AGAIN."
This, from a guy who was, for all intents and purposes, part of our family growing up.
When I read the quote from Lao Tzu again, I was immediately struck by something. It dawned on me that, in all of these stories, commentaries, and political statements, not once did I ever hear anyone suggest a rational, reasonable, thought out, compassionate, and inclusive course of action to fix anything. Now, granted, I heard a lot of the "shoot em, send em back to Africa" garbage...but not one person said anything other than point to what they thought was the problem. Is there a problem? Absolutely. However...do they even know what the real problem is?
Do I?
Then I thought about the people that I see out there working hard to help people to improve their lives, to make their communities better, to help others to help themselves and help other people.
They do exist, and they are out there every day...not running their mouths, not pointing fingers, not pointing out every little thing that the media shoves in their faces (which, by the way, do not ever think that the media does not have their own objectives in this matter) but actually acting.
Those who know, do not speak...because they act. They go out and work, even against ever-increasing odds, to turn the tide and be a part of the solution. This, baby boy, is my lesson to you.
You can spend your whole life thinking about the problem, pointing it out to others, railing against the ones who you think are propagating (go find the definition) the problem; or you can be a part of the solution. If you choose to be part of the solution, don't just talk about it...act on it. Seek to understand the true problem, and then work to make it right. This applies to matters big and small. Even in your own life, with matters that affect only you, when you seek to understand what the problem really is, you can, then, begin to seek the solution. You may not always get it right the first time, but never be afraid to try.
Well, in typical daddy fashion, I've gone on and on. I'll end for now.
Son, I love you as only a father can love a son, and I don't want you to feel like you need to live in the fear that I do. You, and those of your generation are the best, if not the last, hope we may ever know to truly be a complete society. If worrying about who's hugging on your child and how popular your son or daughter is in pre-k becomes our biggest problem, then we will have finally learned.
More soon!
With love,
Your dad.
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