Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Will you speak...or will you act?

Dear Michael,

So much has happened since the last time I wrote to you, and I don't quite know where to begin. You started your second year at school, and you're already practically running the place. Every time I've taken you to your classroom, all I hear is "Hi Michael", "Give me a high five, Michael", or my personal not-so-favorite, "Give me a hug, Michael" from all those fast, little girls (that's just me talking as a daddy). It amazes me that my son would be such an outgoing, verbal, vivacious little man when, for most of my young life, I was nearly paralyzed by shyness. Seeing how people, especially adults, gravitate to you, amazes me...and makes me a little nervous thinking about when you get older. We'll deal with that later, though.

In ancient China, there was a man named Lao Tzu, who was the keeper of the Imperial Library. Lao Tzu was widely known for his wisdom, and even today is recognized as a very wise philosopher. Lao Tzu was known for many wise sayings, but one that sticks out for me that I want to share with you is this: "Those who know, do not speak. Those who speak, do not know."

I will admit that, as I'm writing this letter to you, I carry such a heavy and burdened heart. Right now, you are growing up in a time where, it seems, people have given up on applying reason and compassion to anything anymore. Every day, I turn on the TV and see, or read, in the news, story after story of the most horrific events; shootings, gang violence, wars, and so on. Those tragedies, in and of themselves, aren't what has my heart hurting. I recognize that we live in a natural world, and tragedies, natural or man made, are a sad and heartbreaking part of life. What does break my heart, though, is the increase in the amount of hateful, divisive, and inappropriate commentary that inevitably pours out in reaction to these stories from people who feel entitled to say the most vile and disgusting things without concern over the effects, or concern over being confronted due to the anonymity of the Internet.

Every day, I have stories thrust upon me about how black people are a problem in this country, and left feeling like people look at me as a problem because of the color of my skin. That's not an entirely fair comment; what I should say is that I have the commentary from stories thrust upon me saying how black people are a problem in this country. People are so quick to point to a story and then, basically, make arguments such as, "See? I told you! Nothing but savages who want nothing more than a handout" or "Black people are poor because they don't care or because their daddies are all in jail or deadbeats." They point to the most outspoken people and, because some network shoved a camera in their face, assume that their opinions are reflective of what we all think and believe...sometimes, I think, just so they have an excuse to start spewing their inner hatred. Even our elected officials are fast to use any data that appears to support their divisive opinions without context and without concern for social ramifications.

 I even read one woman comment that "Well, we didn't have the crime we do now 100 years ago because the blacks were slaves and didn't have a chance to get a gun. They didn't commit crimes, because they couldn't." Then, in the same thread said, "Sir, I am a good Christian woman. I do not hurt anyone and neither does my husband... and I was raised with black people. Some have been and still are very good friends." Yes...that really happened.

Son, as your father and your protector in this world, it breaks my heart and brings me to the edge of tears that I'm raising you up in a time where people may look at you and see nothing but a savage, a problem, and a drain on our society. People might say in response that I'm over-exaggerating or overly sensitive. I might even agree with that if I didn't see it getting worse, or if we hadn't seen times like this in our country before. It's so bad, that even a family friend posted "oh hell yeah bring on the riots I have plenty of ammo and flint really needs a good cleansing, sounds like fun. Just want to say THANK YOU...for giving us creepy ass cracker a reason to kill you colords legally AGAIN."

This, from a guy who was, for all intents and purposes, part of our family growing up.

When I read the quote from Lao Tzu again, I was immediately struck by something. It dawned on me that, in all of these stories, commentaries, and political statements, not once did I ever hear anyone suggest a rational, reasonable, thought out, compassionate, and inclusive course of action to fix anything. Now, granted, I heard a lot of the "shoot em, send em back to Africa" garbage...but not one person said anything other than point to what they thought was the problem. Is there a problem? Absolutely. However...do they even know what the real problem is?

Do I?

Then I thought about the people that I see out there working hard to help people to improve their lives, to make their communities better, to help others to help themselves and help other people.
They do exist, and they are out there every day...not running their mouths, not pointing fingers, not pointing out every little thing that the media shoves in their faces (which, by the way, do not ever think that the media does not have their own objectives in this matter) but actually acting.

Those who know, do not speak...because they act. They go out and work, even against ever-increasing odds, to turn the tide and be a part of the solution. This, baby boy, is my lesson to you.

You can spend your whole life thinking about the problem, pointing it out to others, railing against the ones who you think are propagating (go find the definition) the problem; or you can be a part of the solution. If you choose to be part of the solution, don't just talk about it...act on it. Seek to understand the true problem, and then work to make it right. This applies to matters big and small. Even in your own life, with matters that affect only you, when you seek to understand what the problem really is, you can, then, begin to seek the solution. You may not always get it right the first time, but never be afraid to try.

Well, in typical daddy fashion, I've gone on and on. I'll end for now.

Son, I love you as only a father can love a son, and I don't want you to feel like you need to live in the fear that I do. You, and those of your generation are the best, if not the last, hope we may ever know to truly be a complete society. If worrying about who's hugging on your child and how popular your son or daughter is in pre-k becomes our biggest problem, then we will have finally learned.

More soon!

With love,

Your dad.