Doing the Right Thing

Dear Michael,

By now, you would think that when its a day when mommy is on call and its just the two of us, I would learn to not let my guard down. Sadly, days like today remind me that I need to learn from my mistakes. Today's lesson came in the form of falling asleep while you were playing alone in your room after telling me you didn't need to sit on the potty. I'll save all of the details for when you bring you first girlfriend over to meet your parents, but I will say that its never ends well when you wake up to see your naked child, who was not naked when last you saw him, comes walking into the room and can only say, "I'm sorry daddy."

Lesson learned.

I want to share with you a story that I have always thought quite enlightening. Its an old story that you can find being told in many different forms and different philosophical contexts, but the lessons that we can gain from it are fairly universal. It goes like this:

Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey, one was a senior monk, the other a junior monk. During their journey they approached a raging river and on the river bank stood a young lady. She was clearly concerned about how she would get to the other side of the river without drowning. The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and he crossed the river. The senior monk picked up the woman and carried her across the river. He placed her down, they parted ways with woman and on they went with the journey. As the journey went on, the senior monk could see some concern on the junior monk's mind, he asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, "how could you carry her like that? You know we can't touch women, it's against our way of life". The senior monk answered, "I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?"

One of the more curious things that I've seen when sharing this story with others is that everyone seems to get something different from it. As you read it, I have no doubt that you will draw your own conclusions as to what this does or doesn't mean. I want to share some lessons that I draw from this story, and I hope that you'll take them to heart.

First, let's look at the reaction of the young monk after the senior monk helped the young lady across the river. When asked what was wrong, the young monk insists that the senior monk's actions were inappropriate because it went against their rules, or "way of life." There will be times in your life when you will be called to help others in need. As your father, it is my hope that you will, whenever possible, heed that call. Helping the young lady was the right thing to do, despite what the junior monk, or others, might have thought or said. What I hope that you will come away with here is this: if you find yourself in a place in life where common decency, caring, and common sense are looked upon as wrong - whether its the workplace, among group of friends, or whatever - seriously consider whether or not you belong there. Even at this early age, you have such a giving and caring heart, and to be in a place where you are forced to deny these parts of yourself would be to invite unhappiness and darkness into your life.

Second, I want to talk about the actions of the senior monk. Now, it can be assumed from the story that the senior monk, knew that carrying the young lady was against the rules before he made the decision to help...yet, he acted. In acting, the senior monk had to know that there would be consequences for his actions, yet he still chose to do the right thing. In life, you will be challenged by many situations when doing the right thing and doing the expected, or popular, thing will not be the same. I wish I could tell you that making the decision to do the right thing will always be an easy thing to do, but I can't. What I can tell you is that living a life of regret for not making the right decision is often much much more painful to live with than taking the convenient way. Not that I can see the future, but I can pretty much say that you have been brought up to be strong in the face of adversity, and to always do what is right - I know your dad, and I know him to be a pretty good guy. When you make the decision to act, if its the right thing to do, you can act without hesitation or regret. Regardless of whatever repercussions you might face, be strong, be bold, live your life with honor, and you will live a life of substance...a life of meaning and significance.

One last thing, and I will make this quick because I think you're about to try and saddle up the beagle. Notice what the senior monk tells the junior monk at the end of the story. He says, "I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?" When you make the decision to act, once you've trusted yourself and put thought into it, do so without hesitation or regret. Once you've acted, move on. Should your decision be the wrong one, there is no going back and undoing it. Son, I can tell you now that you will make wrong decisions in life, there is no getting around that. When you do, don't hide from them or try to ignore them - face them in the present and work to make it right. Dwelling in the past can keep you from living your life in the present, and that is often more damaging and dangerous than making the wrong decision.

I know you might be thinking, 'Geez dad, emo much? How did you get all of that from a little story like that?" Well, first, don't talk to your poor old dad like that. Second, remember that there is wisdom in everything if we take time to look beyond what we can see or what we are told to believe. Okay...maybe I'm a little bit out there, but don't you dare say that to my face, even you think I won't remember it five seconds later...I'm still your dad!

More later!

Love,

Your Dad